In last weeks blog I talked about people pleasing and how you may be sacrificing your own goals to please others. I wanted to break down the idea of this a little more and offer you the concept of filling your own cup first. In literal terms this means putting you and your priorities first.
It might make you feel uncomfortable, because as I said last week, we have been conditioned by society to be selfless and self sacrificing. Women are, by nature: collaborative, caring and value connection. These are wonderful qualities and do not have to stop you achieving your own success. Achieving your own success, or filling your own cup first, means that you have so much more to give others.
But what does this look like in real life? Your actions are always driven from the way that you feel. So, when your cup is on the glass half empty side, and you feel not enough, less important, disappointed, unfulfilled, out of control, bored, unworthy, overwhelmed or stressed, you don’t show up as the best version of yourself.
The actions that you take from these feelings are not great actions. Do any of the following actions resonate with you when you are feeling the above negative emotions? Do you: overeat, overdrink, worry, sit in confusion, procrastinate, binge watch Netflix, online shop, spend a lot of time on social media, or one of my favourites… busy yourself with things like house work to avoid feeling bad or a sense of underachievement. Although some of these actions may offer you a short term release, they do not help fill your cup, or make you take meaningful action.
The alternative feelings which WILL drive great actions and help you contribute and show up as a better version of yourself are: confidence, self love, control, worthy, excited, motivated, balanced, calm and a host more. These feelings drive actions like, planning, making good decisions on how you spend your time, how best to take care of you, and creating and planning activities that improve your life and align with your values.
These activities can be planning your meals so you have healthy food that feel good in your body, not cancelling on yourself and your calendar, or replacing your Friday late night ice cream (insert other sugar fix), with a couple of squares of dark chocolate or herbal tea – although be careful with the dark chocolate, as the caffeine may keep you up at night – spoken from experience!
So how do you generate these feelings which drive great actions?
It all starts with your thinking. Your thoughts create your feelings. The way that you think about something will determine the way you feel. For example, if you don’t get a job you were going for, you could make it mean that you are not worthy, a failure, or you could make it mean, that was not the right job for you and the right one is still out there.
Consider how both of these thoughts would make you feel. If you are thinking you are a failure, what do you do? Overeat to feel better, drown your sorrows, a bit of online shopping perhaps?
If you are thinking that was not the right job for you, and that they have made a mistake, how does this make you act? I would guess, more motivated to apply for more jobs until you found the right job for you. More in control of your next actions.
Top tips to fill your own cup first
1. Speak to yourself like you would your best friend
Notice how you speak to yourself. We all have a little voice in our head and sometimes it is downright rude. This voice may berate you, or perhaps tell you that you are stupid when you make a mistake. It might tell you that you are fat and don’t deserve love. If that voice does not speak nicely to you, make a conscious decision to retrain it. Decide to speak to yourself like you would speak to your best friend. With love, kindness, and curiosity. Your friend would not bag you if you made a mistake. They would be compassionate. Offer this to yourself.
2. Practice self appreciation
Have a daily ritual at the beginning or end of the day. What 3 things did you do to take care of yourself over the last 24 hours. This will help to retrain your brain to look for the positives. A daily practice will help you achieve this and strengthen the neural pathway making this a dominant way to think.
3. Plan things in your week that take care of you
One of these can be planning your food choices for the week (or a few days if this sounds a little too big for you right now), creating opportunity for exercise, walks, a family outing, meditation, stretching, journaling, listening to a good podcast, dancing around your lounge, listening to music, an earlier bedtime, signing up for a self development course or connecting with a friend. You have the best wisdom of things that make you feel good.
What my clients notice is that when they are taking care of themselves and filling their own cup first, they have more energy, love and attention to give to their family. When they start to plan a better life for themselves, they show up in a way in which they feel like a good role model for their children, more confident with partners and empowered to create a different life. They are able to access more positive ways to think about situations and to create more thoughtful solutions for challenges at work and at home. They can create possibilities on how to enrich and enjoy their life.
If you are ready to commit to creating a different life where you feel fulfilled, motivated, excited and in control then click here and scroll down to my contact page to set up a free no obligation call or sign up for my program to transform yourself inside and out.
Have a great week